You Win. I’m Too Tired to Fight It

I’m back to lifting weights and while I’m not as weak as I feared, I’m not as strong as I hoped. I am very sore this morning, but not as sore as I’ve been when getting cocky about how strong I was after a hiatus in lifting.

My dumbbell set is enough to carry me for about six months, I think. Then I need to decide whether or not to join a gym or buy a bench with a bar. I’m really leaning to buying the bar. The things that keep me out of the pool are a million times worse in the weight room and I’m tired of fighting it. While I need to burn some energy on my body and health, the microaggressions on being The Fat Lady Who Works Out and Never Gets Skinny are too much.

I’m tired.

I’m tired of newbies trying to make a Project out of me.

Way to go assuming my intelligence and intrinsic motivation there, cupcake.

I’m tired of the weight loss talk in the locker room.

If you’re working out an extra hour because you put whipped cream on a single slice of pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving, you don’t have the problem you think you have.

I’m tired of health being seen as a virtue.

Yes, healthy habits can be helpful. Overall health is often a crap shoot and luck plays a significantly bigger factor than you think. Ask anyone who had healthy habits and is slammed with a chronic condition.

Thing is?

I miss swimming. I’m eyeing a local college gym (I can join because my husband and I work for an affiliate organization) that is amazingly cheap, but does have crap swimming hours. Thing is, my own schedule would allow for me to swim there. I may still go back and just allow myself the indulgence of snarling at anyone who dares speak to me. I don’t really want to behave that way, but while I’m fine with flinching before diving into cool water, I’m less sanguine about flinching at the talk constantly surrounding me in the locker room.

But, ya know, I miss this:

3 Replies to “You Win. I’m Too Tired to Fight It”

  1. I miss swimming, too. When I was in Portland, I went to 24 HR Fitness. Since I worked graveyard, I took advantage of being able to swim at 2 in the am. I also worked out with weights then. No judgements from anybody. The few people I met were there because they liked a mostly empty gym and were very nice people.

    Now in Redmond, my gym is 24 hrs, but doesn’t have a pool. And I don’t work graves anymore, so my gym time is when the normals go and it’s crowded and I don’t like it.

    I stopped going for the last few months. I miss working out. Recently I started doing yoga and aerobic videos in my living room. It’s not weights, but it’s a start. I do feel a little better. But I miss the pool.

    Our apartment complex is building an indoor pool that should be done this summer. I’m hoping it’s big enough for lap swimming. And that we’ll have access at odd hours. I would love nothing more than to walk outside my door at 4am and get in an hour swim before work. Sigh. That would be lovely!

  2. I hope you’re able to find your way back into a gym where there are no judgy looks or bothersome conversations. I think I’m lucky because I’ve got a nice resting bitch face and noise cancelling headphones.

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