Adult Video Gamer

adultvideogamer-1Think of a 45 year old man playing a video game.

Do you have a specific image in mind? If you, yourself are not particularly into video games, you might have a specific image of someone who is not particularly successful in life. If he has a job or family, he’s probably not very successful in either activity.

Right?

Gamers know the answer to this one. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Here’s a dirty little secret about gaming. If you pick the right games, you’re training your brain to think along certain pathways.

I first encountered this phenomenon when I was playing Sid Meyer’s Civilization II. The premise of the game is to build a civilization from the Mud Hut stage to Space Flight. Think of developing technology. Think of how the terrain and available resources effect that. (Can’t make steel without carbon and iron, right?)

I mean, if you have a decent education, you already know it. You’ve been exposed to that fact. But chances are very good unless you’re involved in making metal objects you haven’t used that random knowledge, so it’s not something you’ll immediately think of as part of an intuitive process.

So what? I hear you asking.

Well… Knowledge isn’t useful unless you have the habit of accessing it outside of its acquisition environment. In human speech, learning Stop Drop and Roll in first grade doesn’t do much unless you’re going to remember that if you see someone catch fire at a picnic or something.

If you use something in a game, your mental pathways retain that.

I self-published a fantasy novel some years ago. When people gave feedback on it and were trying to be nice, the one common thread was how realistically the world worked. When I was doing the development work on it, a partner of mine at the time saw me swearing over a map I was drawing and suggested, “Play Civ.”

He was quite right. It worked very well, and having the many, many hours I spent playing that game opening the neural pathways to the integration of terrain and politics did, indeed, help me build a world that worked realistically and drove political conflict very logically. (Not that I can plot for crap, but that’s neither here nor there.)

It doesn’t just help creative work, though.

I work at a help desk. I was getting in early, so I was often the only person there to help someone to pick up a computer. Now, if it’s a laptop in a public area that isn’t locked down, we do have a cable lock on those computers. In reality, all I needed to do was hand this person a computer. But it was locked, and I didn’t know which key was the laptop lock. I could have tried individual keys from a ring I had access to. I would have gotten to the appropriate one easily enough, albeit with some fumbling.

But what I did, and this is because I had been playing a game called The Room, was look at the shape of the lock and then at the shape of the keys on the keyring. Got the key right away, first try. The customer had no idea that I had no idea which key to use or how to unlock her computer.

Trivial? Sure.

But to me it was illustrative of the value of video games and how they integrate the kinetic aspects of learning with the purely informational. It’s also why I hate lecture-based classes over hands-on classes for things that will ultimately have a kinetic component.

Two Shawls, Eleven Years

twoshawls-1I got a wild hare and started wondering if a certain garment had made the cut during the Great Konmari Experiment of 2015. I dug it out. It had.

This is a shawl I made back in 2005. The yarn is actually much, much nicer than a newbie knitting project deserves, though I did not know that at the time. It’s a fairly heavy hand-spun and hand-dyed that I was given by a pushe^h^h^h co-worker who was also a knitting fanatic and wanted to encourage a budding knitter. This was an amazingly kind gift. I knew enough to know this was special wool and deserved to be used on a special project, but I was not skilled enough to figure out either what kind of project I had enough yarn for, or what kind of project the wool was appropriate for.

There are lots of errors in it (yarn badly joined, ends not woven in properly… a dozen other things), and it’s not a garment I wear out of the house much, but I do wear it at home from time to time when it’s a little chilly in the house, but I don’t want to dress heavily. The wool is quite warm on the back of my neck and my shoulders, so it’s a good in-between type of shawl.

For all the errors in it, it made that Konmari cut out of pure sentiment. I held it, and I smiled because it made me happy to think about making it and how proud of myself I was to be able to integrate knit and purl stitches in an actual pattern.

twoshawls-2

Eleven years on, this is the shawl I am working on right now. It’s a lot more complex. I’ll probably wear it to the office and other places quite a bit. It makes me happy for geeky reasons as well as because I am enjoying knitting it. The yarn is actually about as inexpensive as you can get and still be all wool, and possibly something this complex really deserves a high end yarn. The recommended yarn for this project cost upwards of $60. I spent more like $15.

I like to look at how I have progressed in activities – be it swimming or whatever. Not because I feel like I necessarily have a specific goal to reach, mind. I think people who happily knit garter stitch scarves are making as good a use of their time as I do with my knitting projects. But I do like to tack on and master skills. It’s a thing, and it’s ultimately useful, so I don’t mind running with it.

(It also took me well on to 40 years before the habit was in any way a big financial return, but that’s neither here nor there. Formal education would have been much quicker!)

But I am as proud of the first shawl I made as the one I am currently working on. I cannot bring myself to blow it off as too easy or amateurish. That first shawl made me a little nervous, was stretching my skill set and made me happy to make – just like the one I am doing now.

I just wish I could read my old writing and have that same attitude. With that, for some idiotic reason, I still wince and I shouldn’t. I was doing the same thing, right?

Not Knitworthy

notknitworthy-1

I’ve been on rather a knitting kick lately, and have been reading some knitting boards. There’s been a recent discussion thread that has gotten me at first to being sympathetic, then wrinkling my nose at the snowflake nonsense that I’m seeing.

The thread is about being annoyed at not being thanked for a knitted gift.

At first blush, yeah. Not being thanked for a gift is certainly an irritant, and certainly a show of terrible manners. I won’t argue that for a second. But as the thread went along, a lot of people were using a term that I don’t really like when it comes to yarnwork gifts.

The term?

Knitworthy.

I don’t like it at all and don’t use it. Are there people I knit for and people I don’t. You bet. It has very little to do with my closeness to the person or not, though, or how much I value them. It has to do with whether or not I think the person will (and you probably need to brace yourself for this one) like what I was thinking of knitting them. You know, as in a gift?

Even if I think someone will like it, I do not (unless they do some sort of handwork, themselves) expect them to have any real idea what went into whatever I made. If you don’t knit, you probably think it takes an hour to make the average stocking cap. See that tea cozy? It’s about the size of a stocking cap with some cables, so it might have taken a bit longer to make than the average hat, right? But you can still whip it up.

Friends, I am a very fast knitter and that took me about nine hours of work.

When I give someone a present, though, I do not expect them to know this, understand it, or treat whatever I’ve given them like that. If someone turns out not to be into whatever I made for them, I don’t take it personally. Knitwear is an extremely specific taste at the best of times. Sometimes I guess right and sometimes I don’t.

Oh, sure, a polite person will say thanks for a gift. I’m not excusing poor manners. It was the indignance at people not knowing how to or being willing to care for 100% wool (it is something of a PITA unless you’re very motivated to care for it). It was annoyance at people not wearing something that was given.

Knitter, please.

Get a grip.

Knitting is not a piece of your soul that needs to be enshrined and treasured. It’s a hobby, and a fun one that some people will enjoy you sharing with them. That’s all.

Be the Boss of Your Own Knitting

bossofyourownknitting-1I am too dumb to use a knitting pattern. No, seriously.

I will read a pattern, see the gorgeous ways knitters have made it – either exactly or making adaptations and think maybe I’ll try it.

I’ll usually give up before I even cast on. For whatever reason I can almost never see how they got to the end result from the pattern and just throw my hands up.

I’m not trying to show this sweater and say, “This is an easy knit!” It is and it isn’t. The basic template? Lord love you, yes! I wouldn’t hesitate to use the basic pattern as a way to teach anyone to knit a sweater. The basic design is easy, easy, easy, and all it takes is a little math to get a perfect fit every single time. The only real problem is that you’re knitting a lot of stockingette and might die of boredom.

The cables? Yes and no. There was some design and thought that went into picking the cable patterns I wanted to use. (Barbara Walker’s A Second Treasury of Knitting Patterns is an amazing stitch dictionary, and I highly recommend it.) As part of the gauge swatch process, I did practice the cables individually and together to see how they would flow, as braided cables have twenty-four rows per repeat and the lattice diamond in the middle has thirty.

I have wanted a good “fisherman’s” type sweater since forever. But every time I tried one on in the store, the damn things always made me look like a sausage. Size 8 or size 22, never mattered. I could not get a fit that flattered. I’d be constricted in something that fit my body and feeling like I was wearing a box if I got a size up.

I realized the reason after some decades of making my own clothes, getting an intuitive sense of my own tastes and style, and how the eye flows over a garment. I am and always will be, no matter how my weight fluctuates, deep-bodied. Thick design detail as the entire canvas of a sweater won’t look good on me. Framed design elements? Oh yeah, they look great. You’d have to know a lot about sweater design to know that the sweater in that picture is not, in fact, a real Aran.

If I were going to teach knitting, I’d teach it like I teach almost anything. Sure, I’d teach you the skills you need to make things, but I’d also integrate that with lessons in design. I wouldn’t teach how to follow a pattern line by line. Mostly because I don’t know how, but more because I feel like knowing how to create something you want that suits your unique tastes in color, fit, and form, is a lot of what makes knitting amazing and fun. I’d teach why certain element produce certain effects, just as I do when I’m teaching how to make a PowerPoint presentation! But I’d teach that slavishly following directions is not going to get you to a point where you will master your own knitting.

Elizabeth Zimmerman, in her Knitting Workshop intro, actually talks about this. She went through a period in her life following exact instructions when she was knitting, and found later in life that she’d rather lost her knitting mojo because instead of using patterns as ideas and guidelines, she was treating them as something iron-clad and to be followed exactly. It was only when she broke out of that and decided to figure some things out on her own that her own creativity and affinity for design exploded.

Our bodies are different. Your body is different from mine. Your coloring is different and your taste in style and design is, too. So should your knitting not also be different?

I don’t even entirely buy the whole, “It’s too hard to knit without a pattern” thing. Sure, it’s a skill, but knitting patterns as exact directions have really only been with us for a little over a hundred years. Traditional knitting really didn’t so much use patterns as it used recipes. As with the evolution in cooking, we might have access to a better and wider variety of ingredients, but we can alter anything we like to our own tastes to come up with some pretty awesome creations.

I agree with Mrs. Zimmerman. “Be the boss of your own knitting!”

Can you use MS Office?

A random blogger, in trying to help bolster the confidence of some people, wrote up an article talking about skills that were translatable to Real Life job skills. Most of the article was really quite good, so I am no trying to tear it down. But one of the items in the list was along the lines of, “Can use MS Office. Because come on, you live on the computer and probably type really fast.”

I commented (as gently as I could because I didn’t want to tear the person down, and a lot of the ideas were genuinely good) that if the person claimed to be good at Office and was applying for a job where I worked, they might very well get turned over to me for verification of their skills. And if you’ve read my rants before, you know I DON’T think that just because you can make a WYSIWYG interface look okay in print that you really know Word. Unfortunately, “Skilled at MS Office” would pretty much get this list of questions. They wouldn’t have to say “yes” to everything to get my confidence, but they’d have to say yes on at least half of each of the big three applications for me to give ’em a pass.

Word

  1. Do you understand document structure and the advantages of formatting in styles?
  2. Can you edit styles to create style-driven pagination?
  3. Can you create custom styles?
  4. Can you use the outline feature?
  5. Can you create and format a table?
  6. Can you make use of tables in formatting?
  7. Do you know when to use tables or styles in formatting?
  8. Can you insert an image and then format it so that it will be anchored to a specific paragraph?
  9. Can you use the Table of Contents object?
  10. Do you know how to format a document using sections so that you can have different headers and footers within a single document?
  11. Do you know how to use footnotes and endnotes?
  12. Can you manage sources and use them for citations, footnotes, endnotes and bibliographies?
  13. Can you use the indexing features to index a document?
  14. Can you use a table of authorities?
  15. Do you understand standard pagination and how to use it?
  16. Can you use SmartArt effectively?
  17. Do you understand when and where WordArt is professional?
  18. Do you understand the limitations of the image editing features of MS Office and when to use or not use them?
  19. Can you use Quick Parts?
  20. Can you insert a Drop Cap effectively?
  21. Can you format pull quotes?
  22. Can you create a text box effectively so that the text of the document flows around it attractively?
  23. Can you insert shapes and format drawing objects?
  24. Do you understand Themes?
  25. Can you create your own themes?
  26. Can you create custom color layouts?
  27. Can you insert a chart in Word without using cut-n-paste from Excel?
  28. Do you know how to use comments effectively?
  29. Do you know how to use the Track Changes feature?
  30. Do you know Mail Merge?
  31. Can you manage Mail Merge sources to filter by specific criteria? (Needed this one today, as a matter of fact, to help improve a user’s workflow).
  32. Can you use mail merge to create envelopes and labels?
  33. Can you use mail merge to send email?
  34. Can you use Find and Replace?
  35. Do you know how to use find and replace to edit formatting?

Excel

  1. Can you use basic functions to add, subtract, multiply, divide, take averages, find the minimum and the maximum value in a range of cells?
  2. Can you use conditional formatting?
  3. Do you know how to filter a range?
  4. Do you know the difference between a list and a table?
  5. Can you use structured referencing in a table?
  6. Can you make a basic chart?
  7. Do you know how to insert a trend line?
  8. Can you format a single chart element (Data point, data series, or even title?)
  9. Can you create a PivotTable?
  10. Can you use Sparklines?
  11. Do you know what a named range is, and can you use it in a formula?
  12. Can you use nested functions?
  13. Do you know how to trace errors?
  14. Can you use a Watch Window?
  15. Can you rename worksheets?
  16. Can you import data from other sources into a workbook?
  17. Can you create 3-D formulas in a single workbook?
  18. Can you use 3-D formulas from external data sources?
  19. Can you use text to columns?
  20. Can you calculate time duration in minutes and hours using Excel formulas?
  21. Can you use text functions to analyze data?
  22. Can you set a cell so you can only put certain data in it?
  23. Can you do a what if analysis?
  24. Can you use the PMT function?
  25. Can you use Outlines?
  26. Can you use Subtotals?
  27. Can you use SUMIF and SUMIFS?
  28. Do you know what a syntax prompt is and do you find it useful?
  29. Can you protect specific cells in a worksheet while leaving other cells available to edit?
  30. Do you know how to share and merge workbooks?
  31. Can you create a macro?
  32. How’s your VB script? (FWIW, I can change happy to glad in the arguments. I’m not really a programmer)
  33. Can you create custom views?
  34. Can you use a formula in Conditional Formatting?
  35. Do you know how to handle page breaks to create well-formatted, printable worksheets?

PowerPoint

  1. Do you know how to use the standard layouts on slides?
  2. Can you format a presentation using Master Slides?
  3. Do you know how to use Themes?
  4. Do you know how to change the order in which images are layered?
  5. Can you group a set of images?
  6. Can you use SmartArt?
  7. Do you know how to add headers and footers to slides?
  8. Do you know how to use Themes?
  9. Do you know how to edit Themes and color schemes?
  10. Do you know how to create transitions on slides? Do you know WHEN you should or should not do so?
  11. Do you know how to add sound to a presentation?
  12. Do you know how to create an auto-advance for slides?
  13. Do you know how to add animations to a slide?
  14. Can you create custom animation paths?
  15. Can you reorder animations?
  16. Can you use the Presenter View?
  17. Can you add notes to a presentation for the presenter view’s use?
  18. Can you add narration and timing to slides?
  19. Can you use the Notes Master to create printable notes for a presentation?
  20. Can you create a photo album slide show?
  21. Can you use the alignment guides for image and text layout?
  22. Can you create a PowerPoint Presentation from a Word outline?
  23. Do you know when and where you should NOT use animation?
  24. Do you know the difference between designing a presentation for a speaker and designing it for online purposes?
  25. Can you create custom action buttons for an interactive, online presentation?

Old School Knitting and Living in the Future

oldschoolknitting-1I’m hard at work on a sweater I’m knitting.

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t do patterns. Well, not well, anyway. Once I learned the Tube Theory of Garment Design (known to knitters as Elizabeth’s Percentage System) I didn’t really need them. Knit a swatch, measure your body, do a little math, decide what design elements you want to add, and you can make a sweater.

I expect, years ago, this is more or less how people knitted. You learned a template for a garment, then you played with patterns or color or whatever, and that’s where a lot of our knitting innovation came from.

Of course, the real expansion of creativity came when these ideas were shared broadly. At first it was patterns in magazines and books. Think of people who learned new techniques from Barbara Walker’s top-down techniques or how many people (to this day) keep some of her stitch dictionaries in stock. In fact, the cables I am knitting at this moment come from her work. But even television got into the act for spreading and developing the craft. Think of how many knitters learned from Elizabeth Zimmerman’s television show and books.

The Internet has been amazing for spreading ideas as well. If you learned to knit in the 21st Century (I didn’t, but that’s when I got more serious about developing it), you probably spent some time on Knitty. That’s where I first learned to knit a cable from the pattern for the Coronet hat, which I later incorporated into my Roll Your Own Braided Yoke Sweater. It’s a pattern I don’t charge for, as I shamelessly stole the basic design of the sweater from Elizabeth Zimmerman, and the braided hem concept from Alexandra Virgiel, the author of Coronet.

Which brings us to Ravelry! My word… That’s over four million knitters and crocheters who see other people’s work, design patterns (even I have one), share techniques, and get ideas for their own knitting.

So even though I’m unlikely ever to knit a sweater from an Official Pattern and probably knit more like a crofter back before the steam engine was invented would, certainly I owe a great creative debt to knitters who came before me and shared.

Selfish Knitting Year

About five years ago, I got good enough at knitting that I finally felt like I was producing something good enough to give as a present. I knitted about three sweaters for my mother, two or three for my son and one for my dad (those being the family members that like 100% wool sweaters. Between laundry habits and sensory tastes, other family members aren’t really into them, so I do other things that they are more likely to like for gifts).

I was looking at my sweater drawer and considering buying some, as the sweaters I’ve made for myself are looking a bit worn and old. These sweaters are between seven and eleven years old, and have been worn a great deal, what with me living in Northern New England and all. They were also made of Wool-Ease so I could put them in the washer and dryer. *snerk* Well, that’s what they say. I was not happy with the results over time.. Anyway, most of my sweaters are a bit ratty.

The newest sweater I have was knit about three years ago. It’s 100% wool and has been cared for properly. I love it and want it to last, but it is really my only “good” sweater. (As defined as something I’m okay with wearing to work!) Which means I am going to wear it out of I do not put some more sweaters into rotation.

So, I’ve declared 2016 the Selfish Knitting Year and I am going to knit some sweaters I’ve been meaning to for myself – sweaters that I can wear to an office.

selfishknitting-1The first one I’ve started on is going to be a modified Aran. Being deep-bodied, I’m not going as hard core on the cabling as I want to, as I don’t want to look like a gorilla or something. But I am going to make it in the traditional cream-colored wool. I’m using Lion’s Brand Fisherman’s wool, which is a pretty decent workhorse yarn.

I’ve always wanted a good Aran sweater, but them suckers is expensive if you buy the authentic deal.

The picture is the beginning of a sleeve. What I’m secretly doing is using my time with knitting the sleeve as a gauge check. I did knit a gauge swatch with the cables I intend to use, but I’m double-checking it by starting on a sleeve first. Less expensive in time if I notice an egregious error in the calculation early on! I never use a commercial pattern when I knit. Ever since I read Knitting Without Tears, I’ve kind of been ruined for them. Elizabeth Zimmerman’s seamless sweater concept is enough of a template that I can do pretty much anything I like with a sweater after I give it some thought.

That said, no, I most emphatically cannot intuit how cables work. The cable at the left is the Clustered Braid from A Second Treasury of Knitting Patterns by Barbara Walker. It’s what knitters call a stitch dictionary – hundreds of stitch patterns, cables, and lace patterns that you can use to make the blank pattern of a bog-standard Seamless Raglan Sweater into a unique creation.

I’m hoping to get this done while it is still cold enough to wear it. Starting a sweater in January, especially one with cables, is a bit risky for this. But hey, what is life without a little risk?

selfishknitting-2My next sweater will be a good Norwegian one – black with white ljus and red at the collar. Since I really do want to feel free to wear it to work, I am totally waffling on whether or not do use a skulls pattern in the yoke or not. Maybe I should wear my Skulls of My Enemies socks sometime and see what the reaction is. Otherwise, it would be quite similar the sweater at the right with enough variation not to be an actual copy. I made that one for my mom some years ago, and it’s still one of the knits I am most pleased with. Still, I can’t get the idea of replacing that red and black band with skulls and doing a red moving to white motif at the upper yoke out of my head.

selfishknitting-3If I really get my knit on (and I might. I’m taking quite a long train trip in August) I want to make one more sweater for myself this year. I am not quite sure what kind, but I think I need one more sweater in a bright, flattering color. My aqua one is awesome, so something a little like that in a purple or some other color I see in my general clothing color palette. I have a book of edgings that might be cool to try for it.

Flow and Gendered Work

flowandgend1
My husband is on call for Tier Two support for his job for the next week or so. It’s not a part of the job he loves, as he feels tethered to the house. But worse, he has a deadline on an art project and he doesn’t feel like he’s safe to dive into an art project when he knows he’s going to have to context switch from tech support to art.

As is my wont, I started analyzing it and got into pulling a thread about flow states and gendered work.

What is flow?

Flow is that state in which you have a task that is challenging, but that you have a high confidence that you can accomplish it. But more than that, as you are working on that task, you are completely engaged – mentally, physically and emotionally to the point that you tend to lose consciousness of time and self.

How does flow work?

Flow is when you are fully engaged. We experience it many ways. I experience it often when I am swimming. For that matter, I am experiencing it now as I am writing an article I am excited about.

That’s the point. You’re getting into a task. Maybe you’re painting a picture, or maybe you’re building a house. It might be that you’re analyzing why the plumbing keeps stopping up and what to do about that faulty sump pump in the basement. But you’re into it. You’re utterly focused and you might not be conscious of the outside work. Often physical discomforts or sensations not related to the task fade away and you’re utterly and completely in that moment.

The cool thing about it, in my opinion, is how it tends to engage the whole being. It’s intellect and emotion and physicality all wrapped up together and working together in an integrated and smoothly-functioning system. When it is interrupted, it can feel upsetting or jarring.

To achieve flow:

  1. You are working on something with a clear set of goals and rules for progress. It does require structure.
  2. Your task must give clear and immediate feedback. (I know, it would sound like writing wouldn’t work for this, but hey, I am seeing words marching across the screen as I am writing this, so I can see that I am accomplishing something.
  3. There should be a good balance between the perceived challenge and your perceived skills. Basically, you feel like it’s a stretch, but that you can do it.
  4. You should not be forced to context switch and change to tasks irrelevant to the primary task at hand.

How does flow contribute to human advancement?

The geek who has been working all night on a programming problem and then is surprised by someone who points out that dawn has come and they haven’t slept is probably experiencing flow. This is the state when your brain is working at optimum. There have been several studies that link the flow state to optimum learning, and to scientific and creative advancement.

Basically the flow state is where we learn, grow and create.

Why does gender make a difference in flow?

From a purely psychological standpoint, it kind of doesn’t. From a sociological standpoint, it makes a great deal of difference. How we approach work, how we are trained to see work, and what kinds of work we are expected to do are heavily gendered in our society.

Traditional “women’s work” is often broken down into small chunks. Making a bed doesn’t take long. Cooking a meal is often broken down into work times and waiting times. If you have small children, you probably fantasize about being able to go to the bathroom or take a shower without little hands knocking on the door. Certainly women are expected to be on call1 to respond.

Thing is, if your time is subject to constant interrupt, flow is hard. One of the reasons I adore swimming is that no-one bugs me during that time. A flow state is very easy to enter during this time, and it feels good enough that I order my own life in ways to invite it.

So, back to my husband. He’s on call. He could be interrupted at any minute and he’s deeply conscious of it. What is he doing while keeping an ear out for those interrupts? Things that don’t require flow – cooking, cleaning and doing laundry.

Women’s work.

__________

1 Yes, I went there.

The Mareli List and Not Exactly Resolutions

What is the Mareli List, Anyway?

My husband has this mental list he calls his Mareli List. It is named after his maternal grandmother and is from her custom of how she looked back on a specific year. To the end of her life, she always looked back trying to find things she had never done before. They could be big or small, but she made a specific effort to do new things. She had just turned 90 when she passed away, so this means that she lived a pretty rich and varied life.

2015 has been a good year for me in terms of my Mareli list. In no particular order, I:

  1. Learned to do a flip turn.
  2. Swam in 50-degree water.
  3. Swam 2 miles in open water
  4. Swam 2.5 miles in a pool
  5. Swam across Boston Harbor
  6. Rode a Segway.
  7. Visited Bermuda
  8. Visited Cape Liberty and saw the Teardrop Memorial.
  9. Took a salsa dancing class
  10. Took a class in how to make cupcakes.
  11. Saw the Statue of Liberty in person.
  12. Learned a new method of knowledge management (Knowledge Centered Support, or KCS)
  13. Konmaried the house.
  14. Negotiated with an airline for a better flight.
  15. Visited Mt. Vernon
  16. Visited Ferry Farm. (I mean, I grew up on the land, but I’d never visited the historic site)
  17. Tried Glendronach Scotch.

With these things in mind, and feeling like I had a decent year, I’m looking on to the next year and what I want to do with it.

Not Exactly Resolutions for 2016

marelilist-1I know some people don’t like the idea of New Year’s Resolutions, and ya know, I get the point. Often it’s some self-improvement thing that people approach as something they oughta do, but without any real serious plan or genuine purpose. Lose weight, get their finances in order, or whatever – it’s not something that’s really got a plan behind it.

My resolutions are more goals than any real attempt at habit change. I’m sure good habits will happen during this process, but this year, I have more specific things I want to do or accomplish. In no particular order, I want to:

  1. Implement KCS at my office.
  2. Write the first draft of a novel starring three middle-aged ladies.
  3. Swim 6 miles in Lake Mephremagog.
  4. Knit myself one or two sweaters.
  5. Travel cross-country by train.
  6. Swim from Alcatraz island to Aquatic Park without a wetsuit.

This is a good mix, I think. I have professional goals, I have physical goals, and I have enjoyment goals. One of the habits I am going to have to develop better along the way is the habit of consistent over heroic effort. Some of this stuff will require something in the way of heroic effort, but that won’t sustain what I want to do in the long run. It’s going to be the dailyness of plugging away at it that will get me there.

A Very Important Christmas Stocking

december_25th

My parents are not perfect. No, there’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just that they’re human and perfect people don’t exist. As people, we get things wrong and we get things right.

I want to talk about something my parents got spectacularly, stunningly right.

About <mubmlemurf> years ago, a young couple was speeding along King’s Highway from Dahlgren into Fredericksburg in a VW Bug, with the wife begging her husband to be careful and watch the bumps. She was in labor and it was two o’clock or so on Christmas morning. The closest hospital was about 45 minutes away. Well, 25, given the way her husband drove.

At the hospital, there was some blasé behavior from the nurses. It was a first baby, after all. But at 4:35 that morning, she had her baby. The little girl was then cleaned up, given all the medical tests that were usual at the time, then put in a stocking and given to her parents.

That cemented an idea that had already been settling in my parents’ minds – that a Christmas baby was Important and Special.

It was treated that way from then on. I was named Noel. (I didn’t add the trema for another 12 years when I got sick of my name being mispronounced, and being misgendered). My birthday was treated as something wonderful and awesome rather than an afterthought.

Did I get a birthday party? Well, I kinda got two. I got one with my friends the week before Christmas with a cake (I got some pretty awesome cakes – winter scenes, dolls in ball gowns, Miss Piggy. They were great). That was all kinds of fun.

Then on Christmas Day, my birthday was celebrated with my family. Oh, we did Christmas as a holiday with Santa and presents and feasts and family and fun. It was wonderful. But I always got a couple of nice presents wrapped in birthday paper, and usually another cake with another rousing version of Happy Birthday from the family.

Heck no, I didn’t hate my birthday, nor do I now. I love it. All the emotional stuff surrounding my birthday goes on for a whole month. I’m lucky beyond belief.

But not everyone gets that.

When I was turning 13, the Free-Lance Star did a piece on Christmas birthdays (there were three in my neighborhood, and a few others in town). If I recall correctly, I was the only one who had much positive to say about it. Everyone else felt like the afterthought, or celebrated their birthday in June.

Lots of December babies, Christmas or not, get their birthdays treated as afterthoughts – another burden at an already overwhelmed time. I hate this for them. It’s utterly awful.

So, I’d like to propose some Rules for December Birthdays.

  1. If the birthday is not on an actual holiday, let the WHOLE CELEBRATION be about them. Don’t wrap it in with a Christmas party.
  2. If they are a Christmas baby in a family that celebrates Christmas, they get the whole day can’t be about them. It’s really okay. But let a part of it be Birthday and not Christmas. A cake and a song doesn’t take enormous amounts of time.
  3. Don’t wrap birthday presents in red or green, or use any other standard Christmas imagery surrounding their birthday.
  4. Avoid using Christmas stamps on birthday cards, if you can.
  5. Find out in advance if it bothers them that Christmas and birthday presents get combined. (This varies. If you ask and get a weary shrug, it probably does bother them and they’re just too polite to say so)

For those of you who are parents of December children, keep in mind a lot of how they feel about their birthdays rests in your hands. Don’t let them be afterthoughts.