{"id":817,"date":"2010-10-10T10:44:44","date_gmt":"2010-10-10T14:44:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/noelfigart.com\/blog\/?p=817"},"modified":"2017-11-15T15:48:10","modified_gmt":"2017-11-15T20:48:10","slug":"why-people-hate-the-slanket","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/2010\/10\/10\/why-people-hate-the-slanket\/","title":{"rendered":"Why People Hate the Slanket"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Blankets with sleeves.\u00a0 People either love them or hate them.\u00a0 I used my Slanket for the first time this morning<a href=\"#_ftn1\">[1]<\/a> and because I was procrastinating my real writing, I Googled the several versions of blanket with sleeves out there.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>They\u2019re ugly\/goofy-looking\/not fashionable.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">Okay, ya got me.\u00a0 Slankets are silly-looking. \u00a0\u00a0What I don\u2019t get is why this matters.\u00a0 If you are perfectly okay slobbing around the house in torn sweats, why in hell the goofiness of the slanket is enough to deter you, I don\u2019t know. \u00a0\u00a0If you\u2019re fashionably dressed at all times and that\u2019s a big thing to you, go buy some silk long johns for pity\u2019s sake, and quit whining.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">Now, I used to choose a lot of my clothing and footwear based on whether or not it was cute above all else, so I get that it\u2019s an issue.\u00a0 When I lived in Virginia, I would endure cold, wet feet rather than wear ugly shoes that kept my feet warm and dry.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">One winter in New England cured that forever.\u00a0 If you\u2019re more concerned with cute than warm, you just haven\u2019t gotten cold enough yet.\u00a0 The slanket is for when you\u2019re at home and working on something sedentary, not for when you\u2019re socializing!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>They\u2019re dangerous.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">People talk about fire hazards from candles and fireplaces, or wearing them while cooking.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">Ummm\u2026 Idiots, don\u2019t you remember your Girl Scout fire safety training?\u00a0 Anyone who cooks with loose, flowing sleeves deserves a good burn.\u00a0 Do an image search for chefs cooking.\u00a0 Many of them have their close-fitted sleeves rolled up to mid-forearm. There\u2019s a reason for that.<\/p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">Of course loose and flowing is a bad combination for fire.\u00a0\u00a0 If you have a fire going, take off the Slanket to tend to it.\u00a0 What are you, stupid?<a href=\"#_ftn2\">[2]<\/a><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>They\u2019re inconvenient.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">These things aren\u2019t meant for when you\u2019re up and down all the time.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They\u2019re meant for when you\u2019re sitting still and doing something with your hands.\u00a0 I\u2019m wearing one right now while I\u2019m writing this article.\u00a0 When I get up to get more coffee, I take it off to go get the coffee.\u00a0 \u00a0I expose the delicate flesh of my hiney to the cold air of the bathroom for the few seconds it takes to go pee, too.\u00a0 Some people just seem to want to take things too far.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>They\u2019re a cock-block<a href=\"#_ftn3\">[3]<\/a>.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">If \u201cI\u2019m cold\u201d is the excuse you\u2019re getting for not having sex, you and your partner need to start being more honest in your communication.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Sex warms you up.\u00a0 It ain\u2019t that she doesn\u2019t want to get cold, so she won\u2019t leave the blanket with sleeves.\u00a0 It\u2019s that she doesn\u2019t want to have sex with you.\u00a0 Don\u2019t blame the blanket.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, there\u2019s no law that says you have to love a Slanket, but it <em>is<\/em> a decent tool for staying warm for a writer who\u2019d just as soon not turn on the heat for awhile.\u00a0 Most of the posts you\u2019ll see for the next few months will be written from underneath one.<\/p>\n<hr size=\"1\" \/>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref1\">[1]<\/a> I have this thing where I try to avoid turning on the heat before November 1.\u00a0 It got down to 27 last night, and the house was 60F when I got up.\u00a0 If I\u2019m going to be sitting still, I need a little warmth, \u2018kay?<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref2\">[2]<\/a> Yes, I know there\u2019s a Snuggie commercial showing people around a fire roasting marshmallows. Don\u2019t do that.\u00a0 It <em>is<\/em> dangerous and stupid.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"#_ftnref3\">[3]<\/a> Yes, some yutz <a href=\"http:\/\/www.whyisdaddycrying.com\/whyisdaddycrying\/2009\/10\/8\/sex-the-snuggie.html\">really asserted this<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Blankets with sleeves.\u00a0 People either love them or hate them.\u00a0 I used my Slanket for the first time this morning[1] and because I was procrastinating my real writing, I Googled the several versions of blanket with sleeves out there. They\u2019re ugly\/goofy-looking\/not fashionable. Okay, ya got me.\u00a0 Slankets are silly-looking. \u00a0\u00a0What I don\u2019t get is why &hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"link-more\"><a href=\"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/2010\/10\/10\/why-people-hate-the-slanket\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Why People Hate the Slanket&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rant"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/817","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=817"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/817\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2472,"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/817\/revisions\/2472"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=817"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=817"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/noelfigart.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=817"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}