Category Archives: kids

Lazy Parents Being Jerks

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This Tuesday the US President is going to be giving a speech addressing public school children. Mostly it’s a “study hard and stay in school” sort of speech.

Since the Johnson administration, the President of the United States has done this, barring the Nixon administration.

Now, I’m a Libertarian, so I’m certainly at the opposite end of the current President’s general political philosophy on many, many issues.

But I have a question for you, the parents who are up in arms about our current President giving this speech, and about it being shown in schools:

What is the MATTER with your parenting that you’re terrified of a fifteen minute speech?  My word, people, if you’re that scared, check out what’s going on in the school every day.  I’ve read my child’s textbooks and review his homework assignments.  Don’t you?  Don’t you talk to you children about them?*

You don’t like President Obama? You don’t like schools being used as propaganda machines? Fair enough. Neither do I. However, that’s been what public schools have been used for since most of your great-grandparents have been going to school. I find it curious that you’re only finding this dangerous and freaking out now.  Haven’t you been talking to your children all along?

You want your kids to understand your values?  Spend time with them.  Homeschool if you’re really that worried.  Turn off the damn television  (a worse propaganda machine than a public school where your child is permitted to live at home with you could ever dream of), have dinner together at night and quit over-scheduling them with all sorts of activities that relieve you of the onerous chore of getting to know the human beings your children actually are.

Will they always agree with you if you raise them “right”?   Probably not.  My parents taught me to think for myself. It worked and no, we do not share the same opinion on every subject.  In fact, I’d be astonished if my parents claimed to share the same opinion on every subject between themselves, even on the big stuff.  Neither do my son and I, for that matter.   But I feel quite confident, because we’ve talked about it, that my son’s opinions are the result of thinking things out rather than automatic reaction to propaganda.

And ya know, I’m okay with that.

*Though, A Children’s Story by James Clavell is assigned reading in my household.

Being in Charge

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When I was assigned a task as a child, my mother would not say, “Punkin, go set the table, please.”

No.

What she would say is, “Punkin, dinner’s getting close to ready.  You’re in charge of setting the table.”  She felt, correctly I think, that a feeling of power over a situation is more likely to get cooperative results.

As adults, my brother and I would chuckle about this turn of phrase and tease Mom, telling her that all we learned from that was that being in charge just meant work!

The thing is, there was a subtle and powerful lesson involved that really didn’t hit me until just this morning.  My son had commented that he thought the house could do with some cleaning before we went to the beach, so could we do some?  I handed him a pad of paper, a pen and told him to make a list of what he thought needed to be done.  I also told him I had about a half an hour I could dedicate to it, so he had to be careful not to assign me more tasks than I could do in a half an hour.

The lesson, you see, was that youngsters really do need to feel that they have power in a situation to get things done.  Like my mom, I do try to encourage a sense of independence in my kids, but also a sense of initiative.  Initiative happens best in situations where people (not just children) feel they have the power to effect a situation and Get Things Done.  It’s why I’ll allow my son to plan out a housecleaning session.

I have to laugh a little at this evolution of parenting styles.  My mother’s mother would never in a million years have applauded initiative in a child, nor put them in charge of a thing.   Don’t get me wrong.  I loved her as deeply as a grandchild ever loved a grandmother and feel the weight of her being gone even after more than a decade.  She was gloriously creative, hilarious and delightfully outrageous.  But in Ellie’s World there was a hierarchy and a pecking order.  You damned well were supposed to know your place and in charge meant able to give orders — which Nanny did with enthusiastic abandon to any of her clan over about the age of 2.

I’m sure I’m thinking about that more as Beach Week approaches, and chuckling at the memory of Nanny running around, enjoying her view of being in charge and getting in the way of the people who really were getting stuff done.  I find myself a little glad I never knew the concept of the Designated Control Freak at the time.  I might have been foolish enough to try to explain it to her.

At which point I feel certain she would have taken a drag on her unfiltered Chesterfield and told me to kiss her ass.

Home Vignettes

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My cousin told me he’d gotten a DVD player that’ll take a USB drive input.

I boil with envy.

I also discussed this with my son, who ran up the stairs shouting, “Auuggghhh. Must run away from gadget-crazed Mama!”

Honestly, I didn’t think I was that bad.

Talk About a Random Post

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I’ve been appallingly bad about working out in the past couple of weeks.

Which, of course, is idiotic, because I got a job where I have to get up at 0 dark thirty to open the gym for a couple of hours once a week so I can use the facilities without having to have the expense of a membership.  I get paid a little, which is nice, so I come out ahead of the game.

If I use the facilities!

I swam a mile today.  I just haven’t felt like pumping iron, so I’m just gonna swim most days.  I know, not perfect.  Screw perfect.  Swimming a mile a day is hardly bad for health and fitness!  I’ll be eager to start pumping some iron soon enough, I’m sure.

I’ve also been reluctant to work out according to my usual schedule because my son is home with me.  Why I feel guilty about leaving a thirteen year old for an hour while I go work out is dorky.  I used to love to have the house to myself at that age.  Not doing anything wrong, mind, just liked the sense of freedom and privacy.

Like my own mother, I tend to leave chores for my son when I leave the house (empty the dishwasher, put a load of clothes on to dry, etc.) I’m glad to have ‘em taken care of, so am kind of effusive in my praise, because… Well, it really is a help, and it means he is a contributing member of the household.  I want him to know I see it that way.  When I was his age, I know my mom was glad someone else was doing the laundry in the summer.

I think a lot of problems with teenagers is that they feel unappreciated and useless.   Chores often feel like busywork to a kid rather than a necessary (and valued!) contribution.   Frankly?  I’m grateful to be free of dealing with the laundry for the summer, and I let my son know that.  I like it that I don’t have to cope with the dishwasher, and I let him know that, too.

I’m gonna get some work out of the way, and then reward myself with the final jacket in my sewing session.  I wore the burgundy jacket, burgundy shell and black skirt working at the front desk at the gym yesterday morning.  That combo works and looks quite nice.  I was so pleased with it that one of the trainers made a joke about me getting on my “million dollar smile” for the patrons.  He’s a chipper, friendly type of guy and I think he enjoys opening with perky morning people.

I know I do.

Hurrah for the Farmer’s Market!

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I typically am not shopping’s biggest fan.

The exception is the Farmer’s Market.

The local farmer’s market is right in town on Thursday afternoons, so the kids and I can walk there easily, do some shopping and get the good stuff.

I like local, really fresh food and buy it when I can.  Living, as I do, in Northern New England, I don’t get to enjoy a long growing season.  But the fresh greens are already coming up, and the fresh eggs are marvelous.

I got to try raw milk for the first time today.  It’s good.  Next week when I go to get milk, I’m going to buy some.

I went to get an eye for what’s sold there to plan my shopping around it.  Yeah, the grocery stores where you can get something pretty much year ’round are nice, but it’s more fun and more… “real” feeling to buy it right from a farmer.  I know, technically food’s food.  I don’t even really believe it when they say that local food is more nutritious, though if someone can point me to a study that proves it, I’d be delighted to read it.  But there is something really satisfying about going to an open-air market and buying food from the people that actually grew it.

When I lived in Fredericksburg, I’d walk down to the Farmer’s Market in Hurkamp Park many mornings during the summer.  We’d get most of our produce there from about May until September –fresh snaps and butterbeans, sweet baby watermelons, cantaloupes and strawberries…  I still remember Hanover tomatoes and sorely miss them.

Up here it’s a lot of locally made cheeses, a elk farmer (don’t wince, elk is delicious.  I don’t care how expensive it is, I’m picking up some at least once this summer), local honey, and the really early spring stuff right now.  Strawberries aren’t even in season yet, and I’m already yearning for them.  I’m also looking forward to late summer, as there’s not much that can touch the really good cold-weather squashes.

There’s a lot going on about trying to eat food grown within a hundred miles of your home.  While it’s not really practical for me to do that 100%, I do prefer the local produce when I can get it.  I like buying directly from the farmer and certainly intend to get as much of my produce as is practical locally.  I was internally cussing the fact that we had a fridge full of lettuce, as I wanted to try the fresh greens for sale.

I picked up some eggs (and if you’ve never tried fresh eggs straight from the farmer, give yourself a treat.  They really do have a richer taste), some honey, and a little pot of rosemary so I can have my little herb garden.  I found out herbs grow really well in my jungle room along with the rest of the plants, so I think I’m going to treat myself to a year-round herb garden.

There are also bakers here, and the children tried cannolis.  It’s not something I’d generally think of as a farmer’s market type treat, but the kids sure liked ‘em.